No Longer Gonna Be Best Friends with Procrastination!

I've been struggling with procrastination more and more these days. I used to think it was just distractions. I mean, do you know how many great shows are out there today? From Netflix to Hulu to Disney to HBO to Apple to the shows on television. Like holy cow! And that is not including all the ways to be distracted on social media either. Don't even get me started on that. Although, I will say I do pretty good with not going down that rabbit hole of scrolling endlessly. Perhaps that's due to the slight ADHD I'm pretty sure I have. And I'm quite grateful for that too. I know so many people, regardless of age, that get sucked into social media. Like in spending hours and hours and hours on it.

My point is that there are just so many things that can be a distraction. But is that really what is going on with me, is what I wonder.

In my previous blog I wrote about a friendship recently ending and, in some way, I thought I'd get seriously more into my writing as maybe it would help me heal by getting my mind off the loss. Instead, I got busy into watching all these videos about learning to let go as well as learning to not be attached to people and things. Which though all very good things to educate myself on it did start to become a distraction.

But, again, was it really me being distracted and that was the procrastination doing its thing OR was it something else?

The more I think about it I do think it's something else. Two things to be specific. The first is that I don't type as good as I used it. One of my fingers on my left hand is not the same due to almost breaking it back in 2016. The finger is bent in a way that causes me to have to hit backspace more as the finger doesn't always hit the correct letter when I'm typing. But it's also the right hand too. It could be the fact that I'm simply not using the computer like I used to when I was a teacher and when I was writing so much more than today. I used to type pretty fast and smoothly but not so much now. I wonder if that is off putting for me. Because I am typing in a way where I'm making lot of mistakes it's kind of demotivating me to even want to type. I know if I just change it to where I look at the letters that could help but maybe there's some pride there as I haven't really had to do that since I was in the Navy, which was a very long time ago. Yes, that sounds a little silly; however, it is something that bothers me.

Now, the second thing that I feel it could be is the fear component. How so? In the sense that what if my writing isn't as good as I would like it to be or people won't care for my stories? What if I don't write in a way that connects with the readers? I have been one that likes to write in a way where my readers feel like I'm writing to them and them alone. That is what those who have read some of my writings have said. So, fear of failure plays a part in this. Then there's the fear of success. Yes, that is a thing. What if my books resonate with the readers and the book(s) become a success? How will my life change? Will I be able to handle the change in a way that keeps me humble? I'm not about fame and fortune. I'm not saying I wouldn't be opposed to being a great writer and the compensation for that. But I'm not looking to be some big shot as I know what comes with that. I would like to be known for being a writer as well as someone that can bring about ovarian cancer awareness and even one that inspires others.

I live a quite simple life, and I like it, for the most part. I do love people and contributing good in this world. It is my hope and prayer that I can, no matter what I do in this life, keep doing that. I think my writing can achieve that too. By sharing my stories. Even the one about living and working in Saudi Arabia. But no one will know in what way if I let these things that contribute to increasing the procrastination keep getting in the way. I won't know. And I very much want to share some of my life experiences with the world. Why? Because I will always believe that everyone has a calling in this world and everyone has a story (or two or three or four) that if we are willing to talk about to, to share our stories, we may just be helping someone out there who may be so inspired with our stories that they may one day share theirs.

At least that is what I believe. And that is why I'm going to do my best to start kicking procrastination to the curb. It may not be easy, but I know God is with me and there are a lot of people out there that believe in me and my potential. I just have to start believing in myself more now. I am trying -- but it has to be more than just trying. It has to be about DOING! Doing what it takes to go after my dreams. Which starts with no longer making excuses as to why I'm not writing and doing the other things that I have wanted to for a while. As a someone once said to me: "God is not done with you. He has you here for a reason and one of those reasons is to get your story out there."

And that's exactly what this gal is going to do!

I'm no longer gonna be best friends with procrastination! #forealz