People come into our lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime. If one is lucky/blessed they will have someone come in their life for a reason and a lifetime. I'm very fortunate to say that I have a handful of people in my life that fit that description. Maybe more actually but we aren't in contact as much today as we used to be while at the same time they would and have showed up when I went through cancer.
But there have been some that have come into my life that I thought, I really thought, they would be more than just a season but a lifetime only for that not to be the case. They for sure came in my life for a reason as each relationship (according to Buddhism philosophy) we have is a teacher. Without a doubt I learned things about myself that I would have otherwise never learned if I hadn't had those relationships.
And when I say relationship, I'm not talking strictly about those of the romantic kind as that's not the only relationship we can and do have. We have the work friends, the bar friends, the college friends, and those family members that are friends too. Each are a relationship. Of course, the level of closeness can vary as some may be more surface level, and others may be those you connect with in a deeper kind of way. But again, they are relationships and while in that relationship there is an opportunity to learn. Or maybe only after it's over can we see the lesson that the teacher taught us.
I know for me, with one relationship of the platonic kind in particular, that learning while in a relationship and even more so after it ended was maybe the biggest teacher of them all. Although I wanted this person to be in my life for a reason and a lifetime it was not meant to be. Instead, they were just a reason and a season. Even if I could turn back time and change how our last interaction went down, I wonder if it was meant to go down the way it did. For though I miss them and wish I hadn't have said the things I said when I told them to take care I do wonder if it simply was meant to end that way as it showed me that even though they said (just a week before) that "no matter what we are forever friends" our friendship wasn't worth laying it all out and talking about it as to understand each other. I made my mistakes, yes! I could not have been reactionary, yes! But I know true friends have come back from WAY worse. So, perhaps one of the lessons I learned was that our friendship wasn't as real and true and genuine as I thought or even as they thought is was.
Some may say maybe they will come back after they've had time to think about it all. But it's been a month now. Further, I know they have no intentions of being in my life because they blocked me. And though I was blocked I was able to leave a voicemail which I did, actually three to be exact because I wanted to apologize and explain some things to hopefully help them understand why I was upset the last day we spoke. But I never got a reply. And then the cherry on top of me knowing that they absolutely wanted nothing to do with me was when I had a friend send them a text asking them if they could send them a text from me. Instead of telling my friend "No, I do not want her message and please tell her to longer contact me" they said that that phone number no longer belonged to them. Of course, they were acting like some stranger by saying that. Though I know that number very much still belongs to them it said a lot that they would lie and say it didn't. Thus, that was when I knew I had to let go.
I'd fight for my friendships, to keep them alive. But one can't fight for something the other party doesn't wish for you to fight for. So, it's about moving forward and remembering that that relationship was a teacher like no other. I'm grateful for the reason and the season I had with them. I do regret how it ended but I do not regret that it happened, that we met and for a small time we had something pretty unique, flaws and all.
